Faire vs Alleyn Adhoc XI 2017 - Report

Faire travelled to the attractive and obviously well-funded Trinity Hall Sports Ground in Cambridge last weekend, to take on the Alleyn Adhoc XI. With a strong looking side, plans were drawn up for the first win of season. Players bowled and batted themselves into fitness (and unfitness) in the modest net facilities, so that once traffic jams subsided and the Adhocs arrived, play could get underway. Under the third consecutive week of blazing sun, captain, maestro and specialist Number 11 A. Stobbs took the toss, and Faire dutifully padded up.

Faire Innings
Coming off the back of a lengthy innings in his last game, R. Rex (18) alongside Hunt (24) got Faire off to an excellent start, with an opening partnership of 42: plausibly a Faire record for first wicket stands in living memory. It was only good pace bowling from Twinn that prevented them carrying on. After taking guard, it was clear that P. Stobbs (27) was intent on barely constrained carnage, smearing the ball around the park. He was unlucky to fall to Sharma, but made a great job of hurrying the score along. When he was replaced by M.Potter (31), yet another 30+ continued to cement his status as ‘reliable batsmen’ and ‘leading flâneur’. The principal light of the Faire innings however was surely Stephen, who produced a typically dazzling 74 with shorts to all corners. As the overs ran down, loveable turncoat Harris got Bowen (10) and recently promoted Kanagasooriam kept the thread of his innings untied, finishing not out on 2. With 208 on the board and a robust bowling attack waiting to be unleashed, Faire took tea in high spirits.

Adhocs Innings
Both teams walked out to the square with the game in the balance and, tautologously, everything to play for. Goldie hit Elwell for a haughty six in the first over before getting bowled immediately after in a deliciously satisfying moment, at least for Elwell (4-2-15-2). The star opener though was a blistering Bowen (8-1-22-1), and the Adhocs were coming to the crease in noticeably heavier and heavier padding – nevertheless, it was not clear that the ‘double-helmet’ was any more effective than the traditional single. Having only made a few runs and with wickets tumbling, the Adhocs’ innings appeared to be going nowhere fast. Stephenson (5-0-37-3) broke through at some key moments, taking three overall. That nearly included a hat trick, though a clever ploy to put a rank one down the leg side for the third, didn’t result in the stumping he had envisaged. While wicket-less, Kanagasooriam (7-0-32-0) delivered his typical array of mystery and, in a post-match interview, keeper Stephen noted that the batsmen were having obvious and frequent trouble picking him. It is difficult to say at what point it happened, but the Adhocs inexplicably began to claw back momentum. After a measured start, Gray (88*) made excellent progress, flaying the ball all over the place. He received strong support from Sharma (27) and Twinn (12*) and despite some tight and thoughtful bowling, nothing seemed to break his focus. Once Gray (in admittedly heroic fashion) hit a six to win the game, Faire were forced to return to the pavilion, trying to deduce what they could have done differently.

Teas
Headlined by some very strong options in the cake department, S. & T. Stobbs remained unmatched in their speed of milk distribution and tea-urn refilling.

Conclusion
The concluding atmosphere in the dressing room was a sombre one. No specific element had failed – Faire had given themselves a great chance with the bat and had been unstoppable with the ball, but a collective lapse in focus and undeniably good batting were their undoing. They will hope to turn their fortunes around next week versus the Gentlemen of Cambridge.

--- GE ELWELL

Strawberry vs Faire 2017 - Report

Pre-amble: Under the timeless gaze of College Chapel, Faire commenced their second match of the season against Strawberry. A game heavy in anticipation; when someone’s dad drove the family Jag to the edge of the cricket pitch, then reversed back a few yards just in case, many team members were visibly moved to nostalgia. With C. Stobbs taking the captain’s honours and Potter scarcely half an hour late, Faire took to the crease to bat in a light wind, beneath the unseasonably warm sun.

Pitch: A balanced looking but slow surface, with an outfield cut fine. A colour almost identical to O. Barley’s frankly magnificent linen suit, suggested a high sand component both in pitch and outfield. This made for more twos and threes than many of the team might have liked.

Faire Innings: Ponti got Faire off to a solid start, playing a sensible and measured innings, with all the grace the global fan base expects. When he was joined by Stephen, the run rate took a leap and despite the lack of pace in the wicket boundaries were scored. Before anyone knew it, Stephen had sauntered in for yet another 50. Once he departed, P. Stobbs played in his typical swashbuckling fashion, before some excellent fielding and a direct hit cost him his wicket. Never one to be ruffled, Potter made some good runs too – his blue trainers a slight improvement on last year’s black – but after a good ball took his balance, Faire were left sitting precariously. Unfortunately, events became reminiscent of the Pink Elephants match, as too many wickets were sold cheaply. With 133 on the board and local experts suggesting par of about 180, Faire knew they would need to be at their very best, to keep their chances afloat.

Strawberry Innings: Chance and Elwell opened up and it became quickly apparent that Strawberry had some very capable batsmen. The openers played complimentary roles – a stockier chap driving hard and a smaller boy who preferred to guide the ball. With Elwell suffering a rather pathetic thigh injury, the pair picked him apart, amassing runs at a real rate. Greaves sent down some corkers and slowed things up, but even some beautiful bowling from Hunt and predictably tidy overs from P. Stobbs couldn’t quite dull the sword of youth. Fortunately for Faire, that same sword is double edged: flourishing and impetuous. Thanks to the insightful and aggressive captaincy of C. Stobbs, bowlers were brought back on at just the right moments and fielders seemed to be placed precisely underneath high balls. Chance returned, taking a flurry of vital wickets (including a scintillating Yorker) and Bennett made inroads too. With the sun disappearing, the score board informed the thousands present that Strawberry required one to win, while only one wicket remained. Guards were taken and psychological games were played, but ultimately Strawberry held their nerve and took the spoils.

Teas: A spectacular affair involving flapjack, brownies and rather magnificent éclair shaped things: most likely éclairs.

Conclusion: Though Faire will be ultimately disappointed by the result, especially at such a fine margin, they can be pleased with the character and resolve they displayed in the final portion of the Strawberry innings. They might console themselves in the observation that, while they did lose to some school children, they were at least able to go to a bar that wasn’t Tap, and order a proper drink.
--- GE ELWELL

Pink Elephants vs Faire 2017 - Report

Pre-amble: With expectations in their hearts and strong coffee in their hands, Faire took the pleasurable journey to one of the most striking grounds in this year’s calendar: Vincent Square, to take on the Pink Elephants. Following some careful practice both in the nets and with a rubberised catching-bat anonymously appropriated from Tonbridge School, Captain Hunt took the toss. Under bright spring sunshine and amidst the enclave of Victorian townhouses, Faire began their season with ball in hand.

Pink Elephants’ Innings: While the Elephants’ openers took guard, Faire soaked up the atmosphere and analysed the conditions. It was noted that the facilities were in astonishingly good shape for the time of year, with the carpeted outfield encircling a hard and even playing surface. Elwell and Greaves were decent foils with the new ball: Greaves getting prodigious movement away from the right hander and Elwell intent on boring the Elephants into submission. The first canto was notable for a sudden outbreak of quality in faire fielding, including a sensational slip catch from Hunt and frequent cries of “wait, no…, no!” from the Elephants. With the hosts at 32-3, Dolben and Jackson began a profitable partnership, before Ullathorne took over when a tight spell from Russell made for Dolben’s end. Kanagasooriam too, created chances on an unresponsive track but Faire couldn’t quite capture the snow-covered opportunities that came their way, until Ullathorne (35) succumbed to temptation one time too many. Once Jackson got to his ton, the Elephants declared at a respectable 213-5.

Faire Innings: Striding out to the crease with the ease and confidence of a pair who recognise the job in hand, C. Stobbs and Barley prepared to face up. Opening bowlers Chambers and Bucklett were consistent, but seeing little movement in the surface Stobbs took the reins and with deceptive ease started clocking up the runs. While Stobbs (35) played more freely, Barley harked back to the solid, conservative years of a young Geoffrey Boycott; our source tells us he had “developed a Yorkshire accent” and had “at least three whippets” concealed in his kit bag. After this solid start the visitors might have been forgiven for sensing victory, had it not been for the wily spin partnership of Ireland and Hargreaves. Once De Minckwitz got a good-un from leg spinner Hargreaves early on, the purple-capped dominoes started to tumble. As per the Pink Elephants’ psychological namesake, the more the Faire batsman tried to avoid getting out, the more they did. Putting on pads had become a relay activity, with even stalwarts Hunt and Stephen getting ducks. Bagnall (7) hit a few wistful strokes on the leg side, but when P. Stobbs (16) came in for a measured and valuable innings, the ship was at least briefly steadied. Together with Elwell (27), seemingly intent on boring the opposition into surrender in this innings too, the tide was stemmed for at least a while. Greaves joined and helped get Faire into three figures, but once Russell and he fell, Kanagasooriam was left stranded, thinking longingly of what might have been.

Teas: A plethora of scones, with options for both Jam and cream, were warmly received.

Conclusion: Faire will regret their diminishing focus in the field and a lack of concentration with bat in hand. They will need to be on top of their game for next week’s highly anticipated clash with Strawberry.
--- GE ELWELL

The Authors vs Faire 2016 - Report

Headline: A game that lived up to expectations. A late display of remarkable team character made for a loss that almost felt like a win.

Pre-amble: Faire made the trip to idyllic Warborough in Oxfordshire this weekend, taking on The Authors XI in a symbolic battle between words and sounds. Despite the perpetual threat of rain, thunder and what appeared to be an eclipse, play got underway just after 2pm. Iconic captain A Stobbs whipped out the double headed coin and made the sensible decision to bat on a balanced looking wicket.

Faire Innings: C Stobbs and Hunt opened and got off to a flier against an attack spearheaded by the furioso John Sutton. Both played some resplendent drives through cover, before Stobbs flicked one a touch too delicately and Hunt got one that reportedly moved four or five yards off the seam. This took P Stobbs to the crease, with his usual elegance and refinement: every inch the 1920s Wisden wet dream. He started off neatly, but couldn't quite carry it on against some tight bowling from The Authors. Stephen came in and started his innings strongly by smashing an eight year old into the waiting hands of the keeper and refusing to walk. However he capitalised on his chance with the kind of batsmanship the global fan base have come to expect, building a score that cemented the innings. He was unlucky to get out in the early 80s. MEA Potter (sporting his now traditional dark- trainers look) had originally joined Stephen as the foil but, following that dismissal, he took control and added the valuable last movement to the Faire concerto. Despite yet another well made fifty, he might have put on a few more in the last overs with McDonald, had he realised it was 35 over game not a 40 over one. With 198 on the board versus their original target of 200, Faire could be forgiven for thinking that it was going their way.

Authors innings: As a bus full of eager fans turned up to enjoy the Faire attack in full swing, Chance (now entirety incognito in the role of shaggy from Scooby Doo) opened up with increasingly unfit Elwell. Both bowled quite tightly and the Author's openers hung in well, until Chance took the wicket of McGowan, well snaffled by C Stobbs. They were replaced by the now heavily coached athlete Kanagasooriam, who sent down an array of toppies, leggies, googlies (and one delivery that rotates on a plane as yet unrecognised by the scientific community) and Harris who bowled with his usual precision and exquisite theatre. Today's pick however was surely Hunt, who turned it square and created countless chances with little reward. There would’ve been success for Olie, had it not been for the worst drop in Faire history from the skipper (as we all know, it’s up against pretty stiff competition). In the end Owen and McGann put on a solid hundred partnership. Though the older of the two jokingly asked for a runner, his flowing bat offset the quick hands of the other and they looked quite capable of ruining the day for Faire.

Suddenly, the breakthrough came: a lightning boundary throw from P Stobbs straight into the hands of his elder brother spelt the end of McGann, before a catch at long on by McDonald off Kanagasooriam and another off Harris evened out the proceedings. Elwell came back on for his last two and managed to get Sutton having finally made the batsman play at one. The momentum had now turned and both teams watched in awe, as Chance took two in his over having seemingly put on an extra 30mph. With only one required to draw, Elwell got whacked off his first ball in the 35th over and the victory went to words over sound.

Teas: Strong effort and a good range (Faire always do very well for teas - most cricketing careers are otherwise littered with weak tea, cardboard crisps and sandwiches seemingly filled with the garlic infused semen of a burly Mediterranean man).

Conclusion: A thrilling match against a friendly opposition. Faire will rue their failure to break the 2nd and 3rd wicket partnerships sooner.

Next time: Faire go baiting, as they prepare for the annual battle against the Badgers.

----- G. E. ELWELL

The Gentlemen of Cambridge vs Faire 2016 - Report

On Sunday 5th June Faire played on a beautiful pitch at The Leys in Cambridge. Asked to field first by The Gentlemen of Cambridge, Ruairi Bowen and Ed de Minckwitz were fiery at the start, with Ed taking two spectacular catches off his own bowling. Ruairi's pace was causing problems, and the sizeable Faire support on the boundary were already anticipating another glorious victory. But the pitch itself didn't help the seamers, and although Olie Hunt picked up 4 excellent wickets with his wily spin, he had little support from the rest of the team as the innings went on. Catches were dropped, appeals agonisingly turned down, and long hops were hungrily dispatched. The frustration showed, and the oppo's Skipper was feasting on any poor bowling. Paddy Stobbs found some consistency towards the end of his spell, and Angus Gent bowled some useful off-spin, but the heat was also clearly having an effect on both fielders and bowlers. Check Warner did manage to pick up a wicket on her second ball of 2016, but was perhaps brought on a little too late by the captain!

In reply, Chris Stobbs (47) played some beautiful shots at the top of the order, with Dave Watkins (42) a surprisingly cautious partner, but after Chris was stumped (much to his surprise), the run rate fell sharply. Debutant Gent was caught fourth ball, and Dave was eventually bowled by a shooter. De Minckwitz was typically cavalier in his brief knock of 15, but tried one slog too many and was bowled. Rob Stephen (42*) punished a few loose deliveries towards the end but ultimately the middle order left themselves too much to do, and although we weren't bowled out, we were some runs short of their target. Huge thanks to all family and friends who came to support, and to Will Earl and Tom St Cyres for organising the fixture. Hopefully next year we'll provide a sterner test! 
----- A. B. STOBBS

Faire vs The Jesters 2016 - Report

Sunday 26 June 2016 (2 days post-Brexit)
Chiswick House, London
Faire is the XI v The Jesters
Jesters: 140 for 10 from 34.3
Faire: 143 for 7 from 34.1
Faire won by 3 wickets

The Borough of Ealing voted Remain 60%-40%. After the dangerous journey outside London to Henley last time out, Faire's return to the sunny lush grass of Chiswick House was a safe haven. Some of Faire's men (EM de Minckwitz, JDM Kanagasooriam) wore personal scars from the campaign, and needed a soothing day of cricket, an experience that can be relied on with more certainty than the polls.

After the customary delay to the 130pm start to accommodate faffing, The Jesters walked out to bat. CHT Potter and R Bowen opened for Faire, producing a masterclass in miserly seam bowling on a pitch not made for flashy strokes. After 6 overs, The Jesters had prodded to 8, and Faire's famous chat, led by RJ Ponti, grew in confidence. As the pressure grew, Potter struck, inducing a rash drive, hit high to short cover, M Dass taking an impressive catch. Captain Stobbs rotated his pack soon after, introducing AF Greaves and OW Hunt. Frustration quickly got the better of another Jester, Greaves holding a professional catch (with dive) from Hunt's short and wide leg spin to leave the score 21-2 off 9. The crowd were treated to spin twin delight as JDM Kanag joined in, inducing the customary panic and brace
position on the boundary as the Jester's got hold of his looser
moments. But, as the run rate never reached 4, and Hunt and Kanag picked up more wickets from excellent catching by CM Stobbs behind the stumps, the Jesters' total didn't look imposing. De Minckwitz, ECV Stephenson and Greaves took full advantage of the pitch's natural variations to keep the score low and wickets falling, Ponti also joining in on the wickets column. After a couple more wickets for Kanag and Hunt, Potter returned with Dass for some excellent death bowling, Potter removing the final Jester in the 35th over with the total at 140. Faire felt confident of the chase.

Before that, Faire triumphed at tea, SF Stobbs leading from the front as ever, and newcomer CES Lewis wowing the crowd with chocolate, halva, and walnut brownies. CM Stobbs and Dass started Faire's reply with confident strokes, easily staying above the required rate with an opening partnership of 48.Home advantage meant they knew keeping the ball above the spongy outfield was crucial, and although the runs came with risks, Stobbs in particular benefited from some generously poor catching. After departing for 24 and 29 respectively, Bowen and de Minckwitz continued Faire's progress to victory. Despite what he might say, Bowen will be eagerly anticipating the video highlights of his majestic straight
six. An excellent boundary catch dismissed Bowen, meaning Potter came in at 5 with a steely determination, which was just as well - de Minckwitz and Stephenson departed not long after, leaving Faire looking a little dicey at 109-5 off 24, and the Jesters using their own pair of tricky spinners. Hunt joined Potter with some excellent forward defensives, but the Faire crowd grew jittery as the score only inched to victory ("Hunty mate, just run 2 yeah?"). When Potter fell for a vital 26, the game was in the balance. Ponti and Hunt shared a mighty stand of 7, then Greaves replaced Ponti with Faire needing 9 off 12, the Jesters' opening bowlers returning, and things getting a little tense with Kanag left in the hutch. Much to the crowd's relief, Greaves struck a boundary with 7 balls to go, and with 2 needed from 6, Hunt pushed the first ball of the final over to the boundary, giving Faire another win for the season.

Man of the match: CHT Potter - 2 for 7, 26.
---- O. W. Hunt

London White-Sox vs Faire 2016 - Report

Faire journeyed through some of England’s finest country roads to Lurgashall to take on the White Sox, and it’s Faire to say that all the eyes of the village were focused on events unfolding on their green. With Faire fielding a team full of fresh new faces (potentially the highest proportion since the team’s first appearance as its prototype ‘And I Saw A New XI), nobody knew quite what to expect. It seems, however, that Faire took greater stock of their new-found surroundings than was wise, as the team’s batting display could only be described as ‘village’.

Hanrahan and de Minckwitz looked to play aggressively from the start, picking out gaps in the field and bludgeoning the ball through them. However it was short lived, as Hanrahan sliced to gully, Stephen allowed one onto his bails after a brief detour via his pads, and De Minckwitz was unlucky to be given out LBW to a delivery he swears vehemently he hit. Theo Bamber rocked up causally to the crease and, briefly, the tide turned, as he scored runs fluently with some actual real-life cricket strokes, not something for which Faire is well known. Faire’s main problem this innings seemed to be an inability to stop the ball from hitting the stumps, a facet of the game which its Chairman will undoubtedly be considering in great depth in the coming days. Having notched up a swift 45, Theo moved both his feet and bat away from a ball which was going on to hit the stumps, whilst notable cameos from debutants Alex Chance and George Elwell ended in similar fashion. Apologies go to Sam van Elk who was expertly run out on his Faire debut during an attempted single which, in hindsight, probably wasn’t a single after all. After a crunching cut for four from Tim Stobbs and some characteristic batten-down-the-hatches blocking from Kato, Faire were all out for the not-exactly-respectable total of 102 (which, in Faire-ness, is one run greater than Sri Lanka managed in their first innings at the weekend). We hope that, after this long weekend, Faire’s batting will return from its own holiday suitably rested for our next fixture.

Having given ourselves an uphill battle, things did not look good when the first ball of the White Sox’s innings was creamed to the furthest corner of the triangular village green. But after this loosener Faire showed admirable discipline in the field and with the ball, constricting the White Sox’s openers to a cautious 48 after 10 overs. Wickets were not exactly tumbling, but one did fall when Gan accurately directed Chance’s rising delivery to Stephen at short cover. The ‘Eds’ (de Minckwitz and Stephenson) got in on the act, partially thanks to some over-exuberant appeals from Faire men on the rope which the umpire did not have it in his heart to turn down. However the White Sox were in firm control and, barring a sudden downpour or some other divine intervention, they always looked set to ease past Faire’s total. This happened in the 26th over and both sides had more of a Sunday evening free than anticipated (despite Kato’s best efforts in the first innings).

Thanks go to the White Sox for inviting us down to such a splendid venue and our apologies for not making more of a game of it; we hope we can provide stiffer competition next year. For Faire, it’s onto one of our many spiritual homes next weekend to face The Gentlemen of Cambridge, where we will find out who exactly these supposed ‘Gentlemen’ are.
---- R. J. M. Stephen

Strawberry vs Faire 2016 - Report

Much like Woy’s squad for the Euros, the Faire side that travelled to Eton was a curious one: a couple of intriguing debutants, some decorated veterans, and one or two (myself included) just glad to be in the mix! After the centuries, wickets and utter domination of the first two fixtures, could the return to Mespots 2 continue the stellar start Faire had got off to in 2016? Comfortably: in the end, it turned out to be one of the most amusing and enjoyable fixtures in Faire history.

After fixing to bat first, Olie Hunt and Toby Joy watchfully saw off the first few overs before Toby was ‘officially’ adjudged LBW by the Eton umpire! Nick Daly came in and, with his fan club on the boundary, formed a very solid partnership with Hunt, teasing the cherry through the gaps, and lashing onto anything rank or short. When Nick fell for 47, Hunt upped his game, pummelling the Eton attack, and later reached his fifty with a magnificently agricultural sweep for 6. Ed Hughes (on debut) was an excellent foil, dashing through for the singles and thwacking the ball to the boundary several times for a quick-fire 34. When Hunt holed out for 69, Ed de Minckwitz and Max Barley both swung their bat magnificently, meaning Faire finished on a respectable 182-5 from their 30 overs.

A scrumptious tea over with, the lack of a regular keeper looked a problem for Faire, but Sammy Hanrahan valiantly stepped up and took the WK gloves. A fiery opening pace attack of Benj Walton and Alex Greaves was always going to cause problems, but the first wicket came from an unexpected source. Fielding has never been Faire’s strong suit, with dozens, nay hundreds of runs being let through the legs of many a Faire player since 2012. But May 14th 2016 brought not one, not two, not three but FOUR run outs in a scintillating display of agility which would’ve made Jonty Rhodes proud. Nunn’s ferocious cut to cover point was skilfully swept up by Ed Hughes, who in one movement turned and executed a pinpoint throw to Sammy behind the stumps. Sangster run out, 12-1.

The intensity of the Walton/Greaves bombardment began to constrain the Etonians, and Greaves was rewarded for consistency, getting his maiden Faire wicket with a brutal toe-crushing yorker. The incoming Featherstonhaugh certainly looked set to hit big, but only lasted one ball before being thwarted by the quick thinking of Toby Joy at short cover: 2nd run out, 28-3. Ashton, however, was looking comfortable at the crease, and played some handsome strokes in a steady partnership with Weir. The twirly spin of Rob Ponti and the niggling line of Joy brought more chances for Faire but the mishits found gaps and the batsmen prospered. Finally, an unplayable over from Joy frustrated Weir who swung and missed a straight one. 62-4.

Hunt and Daly, brought on to halt the march of Ashton, were steady but wicketless initially, before Daly rattled the stumps twice in an over, dealing a fatal blow to Strawberry’s chances. Ashton brought up a much deserved fifty before a Hughes throw/attempted runout evaded de Minckwitz at the bowler’s end, landed in the hands of Joy who hurled the ball with all his might to obliterate the stumps at the other end. An excellent innings only brought to an end by a comedy of errors. Hughes did find time to nab another dismissal running around from mid-on to run out Martin, but he wasn’t the man to finish off the sixth-formers.

Max Barley, cleverly varying the pace of the old ball, outmanoeuvred the Eton Nos 10 and 11 with an exquisite over of medium slow. First, he forced Weatherby to play onto his stumps, before serving up a subtly juicy long hop, which was dispatched straight into the hands of Daly at mid-wicket.

Strawberry all out for 130, another victory, Faire undefeated in 2016 and a fantastic team performance to boot. Bring on the White-Sox…..
---- A. B. Stobbs

Faire vs The Drakes 2016 - Report

Faire welcomed back their annual player of the season DDEW “James” Watkins to their starting line-up after an extended pre-season Down Under; declaring himself “no better at cricket than before”, he was still comfortably good enough to dispatch the Drakes’ who-knows-what-might-come-next bowling for another quick century to double his tally of FaireTons. Stobbs ma played some lovely supporting strokes before getting a jaffa from Hepburn, while Stephen, taking his time to get his eye in, looked as if he might have done so before allowing a straight one from T. Davenport past his defences.

Vice-Captain Scarlett strode to the crease brimming with positive intent as he looked to boost his strike-rate, smashed his first ball for four and, happy with his contribution, headed back to the pavilion. An elegant fifty from M. Potter allowed Faire to make an assault on the Drakes’ bowling during the last few overs with wickets in hand and, despite Faire batsmen retiring soon after reaching their respective zeniths (in a fashion reminiscent of Johnno and Daws back in 2003), P. Stobbs and Ed Stephenson managed to continue the good work, and Faire ended their 35 overs on a record Faire total of 270-4.

After a tea which was low on savoury high on sweet provided by Faire (another event at which DDEWJ excelled with a hand-made personalised chocolate cake), the Drakes, who were by this point qua(c)king in their (webbed) boots at the prospect of chasing down such a formidable total, began their response. These were brutal scenes, as Bowen showed no mercy against the relatively inexperienced opening line up of ducklings queuing up for slaughter at the hands of the sheep-loving Herefordshire-man.

After taking 4 wickets, Bowen was asked by the incoming batsman not to hold back in any way; Bowen didn’t and clean bowled him second ball. Add in a run out by J. Kanagasooriam (a phrase no one thought would ever be written) who, in a modest attempt to play down this remarkable moment of skill, technique and poise, claimed after the event that he actually had his eyes shut throughout the whole process of ball being bowled and run out achieved, and it was a procession for Sir Will’s disciples. Despite a strong rearguard action by Angus Lowe and Dom Collingwood, who batted like only an ex-St Paul’s chorister who overlapped with the mighty Captain Cook could, Faire eventually claimed a comfortable victory by 136 runs with 12 overs to spare.
---- R. J. M. Stephen

Pink Elephants vs Faire 2016 - Report

After only 19 pre-season nets, it was with some trepidation that Faire began the 2016 season. The venue - Vincent Square. The opponents - The Pink Elephants. The weather - bollock-shrivellingly cold.

But any frosty jockstraps were quickly thawed by a glance at the Faire team sheet. Stephen, Daly, Bowen - it represented a who’s who of cricketers who once scored a fifty at prep school.

Faire were inserted, Daly and C Stobbs strode out to the wicket, and Daly (4) swiftly strode back. But this only hastened the arrival of dangerman Rob Stephen. Used to playing in schools, Stephen quickly settled in to the 18th century vibe. He cut and drove with the professionalism of a seasoned coke dealer, and quickly kicked Faire’s season into gear. A single sequence saw the Dorking dasher hit five fours in a row, one of them even through the offside.

Partners in crime C Stobbs (44) and Potter (42) played foil, and when Stephen finally retired on 126*, Scarlett (12) came on to crack one through the covers for the second time in 24 hours. Stobbs min declared on 234/4 off 33 overs.

But upon taking the field to bowl, Faire realised why their scorecard had looked so handsome. The closest sign of movement came from a nearby crane, and despite a probing line from A Riches (the only bowler to regularly find the edge) the ‘Phants calmly progressed to 42 without loss. As is customary, the introduction of spin twins Hunt (1/33) and Kanagasooriam (1/34) brought much-needed breakthroughs, but the Elephants stomped onwards.

The arctic conditions did not help matters, although Kanagasooriam claimed it to be merely a coincidence that, having been pulled from the attack, he developed a life-threatening finger problem, and retreated to the pavilion to nurse a Flat White. Without their talisman, Faire lacked penetration, and The Elephants batted out the last 25 overs for a draw. Game over.

It had been a frigid affair, but credit must go to James (67) and Holben (60) for blocking out the occasional good ball, and the frequent bad sledging.

Next up - The Drakes on May 8th.

---- P. J. Stobbs

2015 Match Highlights - Games 5-7

Catch all the highlights from 2014 and some from 2015 on our YouTube channel. Here are games 5 -7 from 2015.

2015 Match Highlights - Games 1-4

You can watch all the highlights from 2014 and some from 2015 on our YouTube channel. Here are the first 4 games of 2015.

Cairns Fudge CC vs Faire - Report

The 8th August 2015, is a date that will live long in the memory of England’s cricket fans. Faire, on the most fair of days, took inspiration from the national team to provide a complete performance of inventive batting, parsimonious bowling and implausibly good fielding. This was a day when catches stuck, stumps were felled, and shots nailed. This was a day to make ANZACs cry, and day where everything just went right. Cairns Fudge CC, a team with a distinctive antipodean flavour were undone by the legside brutality of Mr Watkins (124* off 106 balls) and by Faire’s battery of medium pacers (7 wickets for 78 runs). The theatre of play was more urban than the usual rural idylls Faire frequent. Wandsworth Common hummed to the noise of newborns, off duty bankers, and yuppie twenty somethings frolicking with a fluorescent saucer. The author later learnt this “game” was called Ultimate Frisbee. Still, Faire is a team with impeccable modernist credentials, and to the fore strode sportswoman Kate Mason to make her debut, fresh from a batting masterclass with Faire number 11 James Kanagasooriam. With the toss won, Ms Mason wasn’t needed for the first two hours, as Faire batted first and put the ANZACs to the sword. Cairns’ aggressive field placings were ill-judged as the opening bowling partnership served up dross to a grateful Messrs Christian Stobbs and Watkins. The quiet summer air split only by the crack of resounding cuts, pulls and drives. Cairns’ first change bowlers were noticeably faster, and more accurate than their more senior colleagues. Wickets began to fall, including those of our debuting faire maiden and the run rate began to fall. Mindful of the need to bat through the innings Mr Watkins metamorphosed from dasher into anchor, allowing batting partners Mr Marcus Potter to biff an aggressive 39* off 21 balls, and the quixotic Mr Daly to stroke his way to an elegant 38. Faire’s total of 243-5 was a formidable one, their highest since their inception some four years ago.

With only three frontline bowlers in the Faire bowling attack, victory was not a foregone conclusion. Little mind, as Mr Daly, opening the bowling, rattled the stumps twice with full, swinging deliveries. Mr Bennett too played his part with some accurate slow medium. Perhaps thinking that Mr Patrick Stobbs offered some respite Cairns’ batsman played a sequence of rash strokes giving the all-rounder his best return of the season. The coup de grace came from an unexpected source, as Mr Tim Potter, limbering up for the first time this season, moustached like Mitchell Johnson, and bowling at least a tenth of the Australian’s pace, befuddled the batsman with flight and the ability to bowl straight. In between this mayhem Mr Stephen and Mr Watkins took two genuinely athletic catches, leaving Cairns in disarray. The fat lady was warming up. Having been nothing but a happy spectator for the entire game the author took a rudimentary catch for the penultimate wicket only to be mobbed as if he had just secured the Ashes. Reaction is a function of expectation, and the pandemonium that greeted this simple piece of fielding informed the author of his team’s confidence in his catching. A bittersweet moment if there ever was. The author finished the game off with a googly to Cairns’ number 11, and that was that. Victory. Sweet victory. For England, for Faire and for our supporters. If only we could play like this, against these gents, every match, every summer. Amen. --- JDM Kanagasooriam

Team vs Alleyn Adhoc XI

Kanag to bat at 3?

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Faire vs The Authors CC - Report

This artisanal feast would have satisfied a Fulham picnic basket. Donning maroon caps were The Authors CC - famous throughout the land for their best-sellers and better geniality. In purple, were the choirboys of Faire.

As it was, Ascott House (just the right side of Leighton Buzzard) played host, and after eyeing up the stately track, skipper Stobbs min asked his openers to box-up.

But whilst only a hundred years separates the founding of the two sides, a gulf in wisdom was quickly apparent. First, CM Stobbs's pre-match pint proved too strong for a vicious Parker in-dipper, and he was lbw for 4. Next, DDEWJ Watkins wafted his bat in the Buckinghamshire wind and was caught behind - the first of three classy catches for the eagle-eyed Fiennes.

As might be expected, fine lines and lengths from the Authors were the order of the day, and even rugby lads Potter and Stephen couldn't biff Faire into the game. But after the former dragged one behind, the latter opened up and his 46 off 33 balls almost obscured the customary mid-innings collapse. 77 for 2 became 85 for 6, and the writers were rampant. But club barrister Nick Daly proved the Authors' bête noire, stroking a chanceless 50 to take Faire to 157 all out.

After some fine Assam, Faire entered the fray once more. Ruairi Bowen - fresh from mass at Westminster Cathedral - bounded in with pace, drawing gasps from the crowd and gasps of air from diving wicket-keeper Chris Stobbs. Daly played foil, moving the ball both ways with craft, but batsmen McGowan and Fiennes were up to the task. 26/0 off 11.

It took the introduction of spin-doctor Kanagasooriam to get the breakthrough, as a well-directed wrong-un spat into leg stump. Three further wickets from the big man (4-33) and a couple for Stobbs mi (2-24) applied pressure, but some romantic hitting from Matt Thacker (30) and Nick Hogg (43) kept the Authors in the hunt. 30 were required off 3 as Hogg squared up to Bowen, but Faire's resident leek-eater clipped the bails, leaving Stobbs mi to serve out the match. It had been a gripping contest - with perhaps Faire's fleet of foot in the field (including a tumbling catch from Stafford and some big blocks from Scarlett) proving decisive.

Huge thanks must go to The Authors for a gripping game, Suzanne Stobbs for an historic coffee cake, and umpires Chris Potter and Tim Stobbs for intervening only when strictly necessary.

Swanbourne House XI vs Faire - Report

Faire made a rare trip north of the M25 to take on a Swanbourne House Headmaster’s XI brimming with a mixture of talent and experience. Logistical issues for the exceptional journey out to this beautiful prep-school led to a forced reshuffle in the Faire batting line-up after Stobbs min won the toss and chose to bat.
Ferdi Rex and Stobbs ma strode confidently to the crease only for both to return to the pavilion shortly afterwards, the latter committing the cardinal error of trying to slog a straight one down the ground, the former being unable to keep his hands off one that reared up off a fresh and wonderfully unpredictable wicket.
Dave Watkins and Rob Stephen added all-too-short cameos alongside a patient knock from Orlando Barley before Toby Joy and Ruairi Bowen found themselves at the crease together. With Faire looking at the prospect of a relatively mediocre total (at one stage it was 47-4), the two men produced a display of fireworks for which Faire have not always been renowned in their albeit short history. Joy fell just short of his first mini-bat after some brutal hitting, but there was no stopping Bowen who brought up his first Faire fifty with a six towards the pavilion. There was just time for a few brief elegant moments from Kanagasooriam with the bat before he fell on his sword and the innings drew to a close with Faire all out for 218.
After a wonderful dollop of prep school tea, battle was ready to recommence. Joy’s opening spell featured a consistent teasing line and length which the batsman found difficult to dispatch. At the other end Ed Stephenson initially found it an uphill struggle, with opener Angus Gent readily tucking into the short bowling, but he later returned with variations Sunil Narine would’ve been proud of.
Bowen’s searing pace earned him a wicket after Joy had taken an excellent catch off his own bowling, but leftie Gent was still at the crease severely ruffling Faire’s feathers with some mesmerising timing and exquisite striking of the ball. The skipper turned to his trusty magician James Kanagasooriam for some inspiration. Unfortunately however, this change in bowling coincided with Gent moving from seeing it like a football to something more like an inflatable beach ball. Wherever he put it Gent saw it early and hit it out the ground (even smashing a windscreen on one occasion), watching it closely as if he was out with his clubs at the driving range. Kanag however didn’t give up and claimed a couple of wickets, one of which reminded us all of young Shane at Old Trafford all those years ago as the ball turned a mile and hit off stump.
With Gent still at the crease, anything was possible for the Headmaster’s XI, but the breakthrough came from Rex towards the end of a strong spell as Gent went after one too many and was caught by Joy at fine leg. The HM’s XI kept pushing on but in the face of some accurate and disciplined bowling were unable to keep up with the required run rate. The innings finished with a flourish as Tim Stobbs, whom it could be said had endured a tough day out in the unforgiving Buckinghamshire sun, came on to bowl the final over and with his deceptive flight claimed the final wicket of the day to great acclaim.
Faire are incredibly grateful to the Headmaster and his XI for hosting the fixture and providing such a wonderful day out for all, and look forward to locking horns next year in the return fixture when we hope that a member of his staff won’t be so insolent as to give him out for a golden duck.

Faire vs Barely Bluies - Report

Wimbledon, Henley, Faire vs Barely Bluies - the English summer sweats class. And the fans that flocked to Regent's Park Oval were treated to a classic.

The rain that threatened to defecate on this match like a voter on Facebook did not materialise, and skipper Stobbs min inserted the Bluies at 12.57pm.

Opposition captain David Watkins selflessly opened the batting, and after being given a West Indian hello by birthday boy Kippy Potter, got into his stride. No number of maternal references perturbed the young Devonian, and he moved swiftly onto 23 before on-driving Greg Potter to mid-wicket where brother Marcus clung on.

Two balls later Stopford flashed the youngest Potter to the gazelle-like Ruairi Bowen and the Bluies were reeling at 39/2. But Proctor and Rudge (50) steadied the ship, then Hunt (21) and Singh (20*) attached a motor to it, to post a strong Bluies total of 172. Pyrotechnics from Bowen (2-15) and G Potter (2-29), and another wily spell from Kanagasooriam (2-37), had been undone by social bowling from Stobbs mi et al, and Faire ate their flapjacks in silence.

M Potter and C Stobbs opened up for Faire, and both were respectful of the first 17 overs. Stobbs ma (30) again looked good, and when Potter (46) effortlessly deposited Hunt over long-on Faire looked in the mix. But the Blueis aren't feared all over Stockwell for nothing. Not since 'Nam has the slow grenade been employed to such devastating effect, and even Stobbs mi (43) couldn't repel them to the boundary. As the run-rate climbed, Scarlett, Stobbs min and Stephen fell on their swords, whilst Warner was pushed. Faire finished on 157/9 and Watkins proudly took possession of the Barely Faire Game Trophy.

So, a wake-up call for Faire, and the squad will be checking their inboxes with trepidation this week for news of remedial nets.

Faire vs The Drakes - Report

Chiswick House played host to this grudge match, and Drakes skipper Tom Davenport had no hesitation in batting first on a strip greener than a Brighton ballot box.

Davenport himself opened up with Pranav Sood, and the pair looked in good touch before Ruairi Bowen broke 17 MPH and blistered Sood’s left bail. New ball partner Hanrahan was not to be outdone, and the score had risen to 15 when Davenport was fingered by umpire Tim Potter, and walked off looking a little sore.

The Isle of Man express then shaped it in, shaped it out and shaped it all about to take 3/20 and leave the Drakes reeling on 50/5.

Turncoat Greg Williams arrived at the wicket like a Tory in Sunderland. But after some searching questions from leg slip he crunched two boundaries, narrowly missing a local chihuahua in the process.

Despite Williams not picking Hunt (2-23 )'s long hop, the Drake’s ship was steadied by Macleohose and Howard, before spin king Kanagasooriam (3/42) came to the party. Like a young Peter Such, the Sri Lankan bowled with flair and guile to mystify the opposition batsman and nail the poles with remarkable accuracy. Bowen (2/12) mopped up the tail and the Drakes were all out for 122.

In reply, Stobbs ma (10) and Ponti (24*) got Faire off to a flyer, before Stobbs walked down the pitch and into the pavilion. New man Scarlett, usually a good puller, couldn’t quite get his bat up in time and top-edged to mid-on, allowing David Watkins to enter the fray. Watkins (50 retired) has looked class all season, and soon moved to fifty with an uncharacteristic hoik through mid-wicket. Seasonal debutant Marcus Potter (6*) came in at no.5 and woke himself and the crowd up with a pair of delightful leg-glances, before Ponti took Faire over the line with a textbook single.

So another win and another happy day for both Faire and the bookies. All eyes now turn to next Sunday’s crunch fixture vs The Barely Bluies at The Regent’s Park Oval

Strawberry vs Faire - Report

Mayweather vs Pacquiao; Faire vs Strawberry - May 2nd 2015 was a sports fan’s wet dream. Careful planning by the respective governing bodies ensured fans could watch both of the day’s big fights, and they were not disappointed.

Whilst one was a tale of old-fashioned elitism, wealth and homoerotic fumblings, the fixture at Eton College lived up to its billing as the clash of the day in the greater Slough area.

Skipper Stobbs min lost the toss, and Faire took to the field under overcast skies. The Eton openers’ jockstraps noticeably shrivelled as they walked out to face the firepower of Hanrahan and Daly, and suddenly we were underway.

After a rapid opening over, Hanrahan switched to the matchday strip and immediately reaped reward, ruining Farquharson’s bank holiday weekend with a delivery that splintered the off stump. 15/1.

Stanton strutted to the wicket only to be canvassed for a Tory vote by the opportunistic Kanagasooriam. Formalities over with, he peppered the crowd with a couple of sixes before an entitled swipe at Stobbs mi saw his furniture rearranged.

Hunt and Kanagasooriam were brought on to turn the screw, and they did so in style. Hunt, offering fewer scoring opportunities than a celibate monk, was the pick of the bowlers, but the Sri Lankan played his part, bamboozling the batsmen with every delivery. Both picked up deserved wickets.

However a late assault by the Eton no. 5 (78*) undid much of their good work. Pre-season capex by Faire had seen share prices in cricket tailors throughout the land rocket, and it was with mixed feelings that club President Chris Potter watched Faire prioritise the conservation of these new assets ahead of any boundary saving. Fortunately, Daly returned at the death with two miserly overs to restrict the College to a strong but gettable 201/6.

Christian Stobbs and David Watkins opened up for Faire, and blazed a partnership of 115 off 15 overs, before Watkins (54) got distracted by a passing female classics teacher and skied a catch to deep cover. As some Eton bowlers called Childline, Stobbs continued his assault, racing to 104* off 73 balls before he selflessly retired to ensure his standing ovation was not confused with that for the game as a whole. With victory in the bag, Stephen (24*) came to the crease, knowing that Faire had wickets in hand - namely that of Henry Scarlett - to finish off the job. Not a busy man, Stephen will have the next 7 days to steel himself for the vice-captain’s revenge. Barley (6*) calmly saw Faire home with 7 wickets and 51 balls to spare.

A great day out was had by all, and if Hunt, Kanag, Stobbs ma and Watkins can continue this form, the season bodes well for Faire.